Wow, It's been nearly a month since I wrote last. It's crazy how fast time flies by. Things have been crazy here, Matt has been working from about 5 am until 630 or 7 pm so Allie and I are barely seeing him. I feel like I have so much to write about, so many things that are driving me up the wall lately. I have too much to say for this one blog so I am hopefully going to write once a day or at least once every other day. I've also decided to add a section to every new blog entry, "I'm thankful for..." Every day I will write something I am thankful for, I feel like I can be ungrateful for the things I have in my life and hopefully this will force me to slow down and give everything some thought.
I can't believe Allie is about to be five months old. Where did my wittle tiny baby go?! She's been scooting around on the floor for over a week now and is getting really efficient at moving her body, especially to "interesting" items. These items are usually things she shouldn't have. I swear children are drawn to things they should not have like plastic bags, power cords, and my cell phone. I think it's like hardwired into their brains, ha.
I don't really have much else to talk about other than Allie since she's basically the only person I interact with all day every day. Recently I had an experience, I'm not ready to discuss on here yet, but it opened my eyes to how much I've really changed since giving birth to Allie. I'm a completely different person, I view life through mothers eyes and that softens my heart but it's also made me more judgmental in a way. I'm now viewing everything in the sense of "aww, that's someones baby..." which leads me to crying a lot. On the other hand I have changed into someone who expects more, I guess judgmental was the wrong word to use. I expect so much more out of people, I expect the very best for my daughter and I won't settle for any less.
A mixture of all of these things have lead me to losing all of my "friends" that I had previous to giving birth. It seems as though once I found out I was pregnant people distanced themselves from me. I know this isn't true for everyone because I did turn into a hermit when I was pregnant and pushed many people away, but I could tell that some people were already gone long before I cut myself off from the world. Other people stuck around for a little while but I could sense they just kept in contact for info about my personal life, they wanted to spread gossip. These people annoyed me the most. They wanted to know every little detail about mine and Matt's lives but they didn't care at all. Then there are the very few people that were still there. I could have sworn we would be great friends forever but I guess sometimes things just aren't meant to happen. I guess being away from home for months and being away from the drama, fake people, and bullcrap has changed me but I'm not going to blame myself for certain peoples actions.
Clearly I'm very irritated about certain people but I'm still too mad to let it out without sounding insane, ha. I just looked down at the clock and it's already 2 am, seriously, where does the time go!?
I'm thankful for...
I am extremely thankful for a healthy baby. I continue to see so many facebook groups and pages for terminally ill children or children that have been severely injured. It breaks my heart. These children are always on my mind and I've spent countless nights bawling, wishing I could take away their pain. All I can do is rock Allie and thank God she is healthy.
